I love you, Aslee Simpson. No, it isn't because of your genetically enhanced good looks. No, it isn't because of your cookie cutter rock and roll songs. And no, it isn't because you can sing. I love you because you have taught millions of people that you don't actually have to have any talent to sell millions of records. All you have to do is have the same last name as someone with talent.

I can't fault your record company. If American people are stupid enough to buy the drivel you call music, then that is their 12 bucks that they don't have anymore, and the record company is smart enough to figure out how stupid America is.

I love you because of how hard you work. You got on stage at the Knitting Factory in Hollywood and proclaimed that this was the first time you had ever performed live. Wow! Amazing how hard you have worked over the course of your career....oh wait, that was the course of your career! You HAVE worked really hard, writing those deep and often revealing lyrics such as "La La". Nevermind you didn't write one note of music on your album. You had to have the drummer from Sugar Ray do all of that for you, but you have worked hard, girl!
Probably the only thing I can give you credit for is staying true to your rock and roll roots. Nobody in a respectable rock band would do anything like have costume changes in their show...What's that? On your opening night of your tour, you had more than 6 costume changes in your set? Wow...must be redefining what rock and roll is all about...well, as long as MTV keeps blurring out your ever-present ass crack, I will keep watching your show to see the train wreck. And, if MTV is keeping track, I Tivo it and fast forward through your precious advertising, so you aren't getting yours either.  ¶ 12:11 PM